Tuesday, April 29, 2008

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

I already do all these things anyway, In Accordance with the Prophecy.

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it 'In'.
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Sexual Favors' .
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' (One of my favorites!)
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ..
Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called ... Therapy.

Editorial note: btw, that last little bit is how you tell that this version came via the USA. I've noticed this... British jokes reach a crescendo of absurdity and then stop, left hanging. American jokes reach the same punchline, then have some sort of a tag or finale that connects the joke-teller and the joke-tellee and finds some common ground or viewpoint that brings the situation back to earth. Now I've told you, you'll notice it too, and whether you prefer British or American stylee jokes, it'll bug the a*** off you. See... I ruined your life. Whohhahahahahaaaaaa!!!!


Alastair said...

I especially like 14, I could do that, indeed I might see if I can find that old mossie net and my recordings of "Night Sounds of Chitwan". It would add a certain ambience to the Year 6 booster group (science).

Martin said...


I have to insist that you call me by my professional wrestling name... Rock Bottom.